Sometimes life leaves you feeling like your dangling in mid-air. Feet like hang-gliders unable to ever touch down. It's at times like those when you have emotions that leave you powerless and feeling helpless. Emotions such as these are tough for someone like myself who tends to find solace when "in control." These past few weeks have been a "stresser" on our family. For those of you aren't already aware, we learned a couple of months back that my husband has a tumor growing on his spinal cord. The tumor is not only on his spinal cord but it's wrapped up and in his nerve cavity. I mentioned this on facebook once when we were finally told that the doctors believe the tumor isn't cancerous. Well...they've given us a 99.9% chance that it isn't cancerous and by golly we are banking on that number. Other than that one mention of it, we've pretty much kept it to ourselves. It has taken us more weeks than we care to count to find a doctor reputable enough to take on the task of this surgery for Brent. The tumor is in such a rare location that these surgeries aren't done very often. Therefore, it was tough to settle on a doctor that we felt was reliable and whom had done enough of them to pull Brent through it all without issue. In the beginning, the doctors scared us to death when they warned us that paralysis was a possibility. We have since been told that Brent might have some loss of motor ability in a foot or leg or maybe loss of sensation to a certain extent in those areas but that with rehab, he should come out OK.
As you can imagine, this ordeal has thrown Brent and our family for an absolute whirl wind. My closest friends and family members knew about it but I haven't discussed much other than with them and my one mention on facebook. I don't like to admit to Brent that I'm scared for him but the truth is...I am. I know he is nervous and full of anxiety over the surgery as are myself and those close to us. I took the image of our son, Kross, dangling from the swings the other day and when I processed them...the first thing that came to mind was how much that image was a true depiction of life for me. It is a great word picture so to speak. It's in moments like these when I crumble to my knees and do the only thing I know how to do. Pray! Even though my legs still feel as though they are dangling in mid-air and are a reminder that I'm no longer in control, I have confidence that God is my swing - our swing - holding us afloat during this time. I love me some God and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is in complete control. I hear him calming me. Allowing me to pull it together, stay strong, and remain peaceful during the ride...
Thank you to all of our dear friends and those family members whom have called and cared enough to send their prayers and well wishes for Brent. There are no words to express how much we appreciate your support and encouragement during such a scary time. We realize the surgery is risky but we also know you guys are there to lift him up in prayer as well as the surgeons who will be working on him. Thank you for that. Really.
I'll be finishing some shoots for clients over the weekend and then we'll be heading to Gainesville, Florida this next week. Brent's surgery will take place on Tuesday (we're unsure of the exact time as of yet). For those of you who pray, can I ask you to keep him on your prayer lists and in your thoughts that day? For those of you who don't, any positive vibes would be greatly appreciated.
Brent will spend at least a week in the hospital before being allowed to return home. The recovery will be brutal for him as well as the rest of our family. The doctors have told him to expect a 6-8 week recovery time with lots of rehab. As his wife, I'm prepared to do whatever we must to pull him thru this and get him back to new. I'll try to update here on the blog sometime next week after the surgery has taken place. They told us that the first 48 hours after the surgery are crucial. We're praying those will go smoothly and that no paralysis or long-term sensory or motor issues will occur. In the end, like with any other trial or deep trench we must crawl through here on earth, we're confident that God will leave us all thankful and blessed to be able to come out smiling that it's over. I'm faithful that the stress from the ordeal will retreat and the smiles will return. Christmas is coming as well as our third child's 1st birthday. Therefore, we've got some celebrating to do. :) We'll celebrate the birth of Christ, the birth of our son Kross, as well as Gods promises as he pushes us along on this swing called "life."
Thank you in advance for all of your prayers and positive vibes. You'll never know how much they mean to us.
In his grip, Angie
PS...I will continue to work thru this process. I'm taking next week off but will return in full force after that. This is my busiest season of the year and I'm grateful for those clients that already fill my calendar. It's your sessions that allow me to use my camera as therapy during this stressful time. :) Photography is like a band-aid in life for me. I'm blessed.